My weekly game pitch #5
By Guest Columnist, Scott Rush

It's been a while since the last column, compadres, and I'd be apologizing like crazy if it was anything like my fault, but the fact is I'm only partly to blame. The big cheeses who control what passes for destiny around here have been sorting out some "issues" and the upshot is that I've been too busy straightening out the storage area and memorizing complex equations involving cream to sugar ratios to have any time to attend the weekly meetings, let alone to pitch my fabulous ideas. In a way, though, it's all to the good, because all that time putting binders in color-and-width order and cataloging the mechanical pencils between sprints to Starbucks gave me plenty of time to think, and when I've got the old cogitation engine cranked, some great game ideas are just $5 million in development costs away. Here's a few of the cool ideas I came up with just recently:

Dorkus: Lizard Killer
This is a first person (that means you only see the guy's hand) shooter (there's a weapon in the hand) about a guy from the past (he likes The Beatles) and it takes place in the future. The main guy is kind of a nerd, mentally unbalanced but a real brain and no one knows that everybody laughing at him for wearing moccasins and bear claw jewelry has really gotten his goat. His increasingly nasty campaign of practical jokes around the office gets out of hand and all the snakes and lizards grow giant sized and vicious so he has to destroy them or there will really be trouble. Of course, the weapons are the nuts and there are a few really attractive girls that are in danger, and in the end they all want to go out with Dorkus once he saves them. In the sequel, he'll probably be in divorce court or on Jennie Jones.

Pacer Racer
I came up with this when I was running all over the damn company trying to find jumbo paper clips for the cute AA the new big shot brought in and it turned out she had a box of them in her purse from her old company anyway. What a simp. She only looks smart. Pacer Racer is kind of a combination of Twister, Simon and a track meet for special kids. You have to move back and forth over different platforms that are floors in this big office building, back and forth, water cooler, back and forth, copying machine, back and forth until you're practically mental, then something happens, and then you go on, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. You have to cover a certain amount of distance before time expires, and place your feet on the right color squares when they blink. You lose points for falling down, messing up the lunch order, cursing, and for spilling any liquid you're carrying.

I guess that's it for this week. I have to meet with the Mail Department. Turns out they're really into the Extreme Lawn Sports idea, and they want to know who I stole it from so they can get the license. Luckily, I document all my ideas, so there's a good chance I'll be seeing a big check sometime soon. If I do, I'm thinking of getting my eyebrow pierced and maybe growing my hair.

Previous Installments:
Stumble Up & Xtreme Lawn Sports | Redwood Rodeo & Supper Man | Y2K 2000 & Puddin' Bears | Brad & Brenda's Dance Club Adventure & Stilt Race 2000